Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
