I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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