She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
