I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
