I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
