just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
