I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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