this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
