Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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