Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
