No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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