i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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