I feel great
I just peed on a car
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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