You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
