you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
