i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
True strength comes from lack of pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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