You really coming over, don't trick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
