im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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