I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I think my vagina is haunted
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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