Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
