My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
