Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
