What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
