Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
