we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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