if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
so much tequila, so little girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
