I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
