But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
dude. I can hear the air.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
