i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
