dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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