he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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