I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The best revenge is premature balding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
