I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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