I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
