i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
