just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
