i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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