i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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