Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
