All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
