hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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