Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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