Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
