Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
