I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
