Jerry, you need to find god
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
