There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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