My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
