I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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