He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
