tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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