i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
